looks like i will making everyone happy except myself

yesterday was a roller coaster as the other days has been since planning this wedding. to start i had to call work and have my vacation switched, which wasn't a problem. i was happy, i just knew everything was going to work out. Jarred was happy too, he planned on buying airfare when he got in and getting together invitations.

well, this morning while still on my happy little high, we call the chapel which would perform the ceremony and THE DATE IS AVAILABLE! i think this is to good to be true, the dates avaiable, airfare is the right price, and i got my vacation switched. so, jarred started investigating how far away the beach is from disney and its 70 miles! the chapel provides pretty much and inclusive pack which would provide a limo for up to 10 people. i doubt our wedding party will be bigger than that. Jarred decides now that he will feel bad for everyone who cant make it and wants to have his mom/rev gordon and the church "handle" our at home wedding and we will still have our beach wedding. this is way to much for me.

i dont understand why everyone just cant be supportive and deal with the fact that they may not be at the wedding? why does everyone have to put guilt on us? what the hell is wrong with people. i dont want to do things this way! i was so happy and excited when we first made our plans, now all of these crazy people have to say stuff to make Jarred feel bad. none of my family has said much, only good things. even if they did say something negative i wouldnt care. i have always been able to filter out what i dont want to hear. but now, i have to compromise and act happy all this time, while havign a wedding that i dont want. this is ridiculous and makes me really sad. i was so happpy when we were planning on just having our moms in florida with us. i dont want this big wedding but jarred does for everyone else. what about me? everytime i think about it it gives me a headache, i get nauseous and cry. it totally sucks.

more stress and sadness

so after jarred and i decided on a beach wedding is Florida, we were so excited. everyone was happy for us, except his mom who says "its not fair for those who want to be there and cant" she feels we should change our plans to accommodate everyone else. my initial reaction was "its our wedding and its about us". this is one of the main reasons i didnt want an at home wedding. i dont want peoples opinions and input, i want a stress free or at least minimal stress and i dont want to do a whole bunch of planning. i also dont want to put things off for too long because my hopes are up and its has been 8years!

another added stesser is airfare, we thought the tickets would be reasonable. they are not! its almost $900 for just me and jarred! we were planning on paying for my mom and khalil because its only a couple hundred dollars more, but we cant if airfare is going to be so expensive. rates for fling in october are only 64!!!! so we are now thinking about moving the date up to october. this would mean that i will have to try to get my vacation switched at work. jarred called his mom this morning to tell her we might be moving things up and of course she has the same reaction. i am seriously thinking of telling everyone the wedding is off, keeping of booked dates in novemember and goign with just the three of us. including all these ppl is becoming costly and expensive..


the other option is to have a small at home wedding. which i would consider but i had my heart set on the disney all in one. lol when i think about it, it would be nice to have more people be there and not feel bad for those that cant make it. but if i have an at home ceremony i am still aiming for the beach and depending on which beach, it may be 2-3hrs away. i am still going to here someone complaining!

i guess this all comes with the territory of planning a wedding! i am going to investigate havigna wedding close to home but on the beach. hopefully i will find something comparable. if not then we will just be going to florida in Nov just the 3 of us

stress and sadness

i am feeling not so good about the wedding now. it seems jarred isnt into planning. he doesnt want to book the hotel and schedule things now. we only have about 4 or 5 months till novemeber. what is sad is, i think he wants to go to disney in november but i think he is having second thoughts about the wedding. afterall, i never got a real proposal, i basically made he buy and ring abd propose. i just new i would get an official proposal or something after having ava but, no such luck. he did come up with the idea to get married in disney, but after all theses years you'd think he'd be rushing me to marry. its not like that. sometimes i think hes only with me because he knows no other way.


he also has his mind set now on buying a scooter because it will save so much in gas. i dont agree because i dont think a scooter is safe to be riding on the highway. he thinks i am just being mean.

yeah its been a while

but, my life was a rollercoaster the past few months~

to start off I am finished school and have beena nurse for 5 months now. i am working in the PACU just like i dreamed (lol) i like my job, its a lot of stress and hard work but after a few months and almost being off orientation, i am starting to like it.

ava is 14 months now, she just started walking a couple weeks ago. she is starting to imitate little words.

now, even better news! jarred and i have decided on a wedding date and location. we will be getting married Novemeber 2008 in disney world. i am really excited but really nervous that it may not happen. it is going to be expensive, but its perfect for us and its just cool. i always said that i do not want a big wedding and i dont want to have to do too much planning. disney is perfect, the package we will be doing includes the wedding location, limo, flowers, photography, cake and champagne reception, and.... a violinst ( lol). so far i am recrutitng my mom, hopefully sister with neice and nephew. jarred says he told his mom, but i am not sure if he did yet. his dad and sisters go to disney often so i am almost sure they will be there. i really hope things go as planned because i was never excited about a wedding until we decided to do it disney style.

ok, i think i need to run because miss ava is having a good time playing with dvds.


peace out