Saturday, June 28, 2008

looks like i will making everyone happy except myself

yesterday was a roller coaster as the other days has been since planning this wedding. to start i had to call work and have my vacation switched, which wasn't a problem. i was happy, i just knew everything was going to work out. Jarred was happy too, he planned on buying airfare when he got in and getting together invitations.

well, this morning while still on my happy little high, we call the chapel which would perform the ceremony and THE DATE IS AVAILABLE! i think this is to good to be true, the dates avaiable, airfare is the right price, and i got my vacation switched. so, jarred started investigating how far away the beach is from disney and its 70 miles! the chapel provides pretty much and inclusive pack which would provide a limo for up to 10 people. i doubt our wedding party will be bigger than that. Jarred decides now that he will feel bad for everyone who cant make it and wants to have his mom/rev gordon and the church "handle" our at home wedding and we will still have our beach wedding. this is way to much for me.

i dont understand why everyone just cant be supportive and deal with the fact that they may not be at the wedding? why does everyone have to put guilt on us? what the hell is wrong with people. i dont want to do things this way! i was so happy and excited when we first made our plans, now all of these crazy people have to say stuff to make Jarred feel bad. none of my family has said much, only good things. even if they did say something negative i wouldnt care. i have always been able to filter out what i dont want to hear. but now, i have to compromise and act happy all this time, while havign a wedding that i dont want. this is ridiculous and makes me really sad. i was so happpy when we were planning on just having our moms in florida with us. i dont want this big wedding but jarred does for everyone else. what about me? everytime i think about it it gives me a headache, i get nauseous and cry. it totally sucks.

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